neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my grandfather Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my grandfathers death. I was really worried that it would be an awful day, and it was kind of but it was a good day too. First a little bit about my grandfather .... I was born on his birthday, March 24th. The day I was born he was having triple bypass open heart surgery. The doctor told him that he'd probably live another six months. When he left the hospital he couldn't pick up anything over like 5 pounds so my mom used to lay me on his lap and he would hold me for hours and hours and hours. And I loved it apparently, I cooed and giggled and drooled. He calls me his angel because he says that I kept him alive way past his allotted time. 24 years past what the doctors gave him as it turns out. Out of everyone in my family my grandfather meant the most to me. He cared about me more than I will ever actually realize. He used to be a shrimper, on his own shrimpboat, so he had a lot of friends at the docks. He used to take me to the docks with him and I can't ever remember feeling more special than when he'd parade me around bragging about me to all of his friends. Not one time did he ever, in my entire life, make me feel like I wasn't the most important thing in the world. I was, after all, his birthday present. When I was in the fourth grade my mom came upon pretty hard times and she couldn't take care of me. I moved in with my dad. My dad is a great guy but he likes to party a bit. At least back then he did. So basically I lived with my grandparents. My grandfather taught me to respect myself, he taught me to not be so shy because what I had to say was just as important as the next guy, and he taught me that I am capable of doing whatever I set my mind to, he taught me that no matter what trials and tribulations you may be going through there are people who are going through worse, he taught me to respect all living things. Out of all of the people that have made me who I am today I am most proud of the parts of me that my grandfather molded. I still think about him everyday and I still do a lot of the things I do because I know it would make him proud. He was never happier for me than when I told him I was going back to school. He is the reason that I have a 4.0 GPA now. I feel like making anything less would be an insult to him. When I was a kid I used to help him in his garden. Some of my favorite memories come from that garden. Yesterday me and my kids started our own garden, on a much smaller scale. It was bittersweet. I still think about him everyday and only get sad when I think about all the things that I did with my life that must have let him down. I wish that I knew for certain that he knew how much he meant to me. I don't think he did. I don't think he ever really knew how much I loved him and how much of who I am was because of him. That is my only regret. Seems that in his death he managed to teach me to always let people know how you feel about them. Always be honest with yourself and with others and never be afraid to sound too sappy. 12:42 p.m. - 3.23.01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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