neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- pity party for one, two drink minimum Birthdays suck. That's the conclusion that I've come to after my 26 years of celebrating them. No one died this year, no one died last year either. The four, count'em 4, years before that someone died every year. Well my grandfather died 2 days before but the viewing was on my birthday, which was his birthday, I don't know, read the last entry to understand. So anyway, my birthday this year was good in the fact that no one died. My mom took me out to eat. It ahd to be the best meal that I have ever eaten in my life. Delicious. If you are ever in Jacksonville, Florida and have some cash to spare go eat at Marker 32. Unfortunately she used that opportunity to tell me about how badly I am living my life. Also my friend Jenifer gave me this totally completely awesome book that everyone must go buy now. It's called "Pad: The Guide to Ultra-Living", by Matt Maranian. Run don't walk to your local bookstore to at least flip through this book. Did I mention that it's a good book? My birthday sucked other than that. I do realize that I'm 26 years old and that maybe I shouldn't have put so much value on the notion that the day should be special jsut because it happened to be the day I was born. Really though, I did want it to be special. I haven't had a birthday party in forever, unless you count carousing with relatives at the funeral parlor a party. It was supposed to be special. Anyway, I'm going to take this opportunity to shamelessly say to Joshua, who doesn't read and even if he did wouldn't bother to read this, a big thank you. Thank you for making it so painfully obvious that I mean so little to you. Thank you for putting something so meaningless before me and my feelings. On my birthday. Thank you for showing me how it feels to know that someone that you care about more than you will ever be able to put into words doesn't care about you at all. Not really. Thank you for breaking my heart, on my birthday. Everyone should experience this at least once in their lives right. Next time just make it easy on yourself. Next time just hire a mosquito airplane to fly over me, spraying repellant in my eyes, with a banner that reads "I don't give a fuck about you, you naive little girl." If you'd like you can add "I love you" to it. That way your conscience is eased a bit. Isn't that what you did last night. You would contradict yourself in the same sentence "I love you, but I want to have a good time too, I'm sorry, I love you." What you might as well been saying is that our friendship as I knew it is over. It is you know. It really is. You hurt me more than you will ever know last night. I used to put you on a pedastel. I used to value your opinions so highly. Now I don't understand now how I could always feel like you were so great, like you were on such a higher playing field than I was. Anyway, to sum all of this up, thank you for showing me that opening yourself up to someone, letting them in your heart will only lead to heartbreak. I appreciate it. I am sick to death of these sad, pathetic entries. My goal for tomorrow is to be happy. I'm going to be happy, clean my house, and read this book which will undoubtedly inspire me to redecorate my house in a combination of virgin mary, dogs playing poker, and blacklight posters. Tomorrow I will be happy. 10:29 p.m. - 3.25.01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||