neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- everything's off Ian came back from camp on Friday. He had a great time. Said he only cried twice and it was after everyone went to sleep and he hid under his pillow to do so. Awww. Poor thing, crying under his pillow. I felt so bad for him and then he said "Sorry I didn't write you a letter mom, I was just having so much fun that I forgot to miss you." Which is a good thing but damn. School starts on Wednesday and the boys are all excited. Both of their teachers are named Ms. something or other instead of Mrs. something or other. So maybe this year they won't have the oldest teachers at the school. And I know that sounds mean but ... well I guess I have no but, I'm just mean and have issues with old people. The rest of my life just feels off lately. I keep trying to do things that will make me feel back on track and none if works. My unrelationship with billy is definitely off but that was to be expected. Everything between us is tense and forced. Plus he keeps trying to have sex with me. And strangely enough, even though I've had sex with him countless times in the past the thought of canoodling billy just kind of creeps me out now. So that's all off. And David is great I guess. I mean I love him, he loves me. Nothing seems wrong. It's just kind of weird. And since I already feel like things are kind of weird I get more offended than I normally would when some slight infraction is committed. Sleep seems to be a big contender for the infraction of the week. And I understand if you're tired, but can you wait until I'm not kissing you to fall asleep? He has this ability (disorder?) to fall asleep within minutes whenever he wants by just lying down and relaxing. Unfortunately he has fine tuned this amazing talent to the point where ANYTIME he stops moving and stays still for a bit he falls asleep. Which is just flat out fucking freaky to me. Not to mention offensive if I happen to be lying down with him, you know with my lips all over him (not ALL over him, get your minds out of the gutter). I can only assume that I inspire peacefulness and relaxation. Which is really complete bullshit, I'm one of those chaotic people that make everyone around me feel all chaotic and confused. But if I don't assume that I inspire peace and relaxation then I have to assume that I don't inspire lust and physical um, action. Yeah, I'm all over this peace angle. And the job thing is really cool, nothing off about that except that I have to wait another freakin month to start. Blah. It's kind of early for all this bitching isn't it. 7:53 a.m. - 08.05.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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