neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- just call me needy So here I am, with my new air conditioner. Freezing to death because somehow it just seems wrong to not run it right now since I�ve been bitching about not having one for so long. So I�m freezing and the dogs all hopped up on cold air, doing laps around the room. Today was ideal, everything went right, woke up in a good mood, the kids got dressed for school without bitching and/or feigning illness, caught up with all my classes and even got ahead in one, went to the ceramics store, and still had time to read a few chapters of You Can�t Go Home Again, by Thomas Wolfe. A good day indeed. Until about 30 minutes ago. I have 2 sons, we�ll call them X and Y. Now X is my oldest son, he�s 7 and an angel. Y is 5 and he is very, um, adventurous. Y is only in kindergarten but still feels the need to inform me that I shouldn�t hug or kiss him when I pick him up or drop him off at school. The reason, of course, is obvious �that is SO preschool mom.� OK. So I don�t. I wait until we get home and then I hug and kiss him, ask him how his day was, etc. etc. Today, we get home to find his grandfather, my father-in-law, sitting in the driveway. Now just the sight of any in-law makes my skin crawl but I�ve gotten rather use to the father-in-law coming around. The mother-in-law on the other hand causes my eyes to dart around wildly searching for something, anything, that could be used to put myself out of my imminent misery. But I digress. Anyway, there�s good old dad in law sitting in the driveway. He asks Y, not me, Y, if he wants to go hang out at his house for a while. Y wants to go. So he left, and I, the mother, said yes. I said yes because Y so obviously wanted to go and I�d have been bad mommy if I didn�t let him. Why do I do this to myself? Why didn�t I just say no, that I had other plans? Which I did mind you. I baked brownies. I bought the cutest little star bookends from the ceramic store for me and Y to paint together while we ate lots of brownies and milk. The bookends will match his celestial themed room perfectly. But he left with his grandfather. And he forgot to give me a kiss or a hug. I had to remind him, which isn�t so bad, kids forget all the time, but I thought I�d weep openly when he said �I�ll kiss you when I get home, mom.� Now I don�t just call myself neuroticgirl for nothing, so all I can think is �what if something were to happen, like say, my new air conditioner were to irreversibly kick into overdrive and I die of hypothermia before he gets home. Then I will have missed out on that one last kiss you see. This is the shit that runs through my mind. So here I am, eating brownies and watching really bad TV, freezing to death, silently cursing the father in law for being more appealing to hang out with than me. Waiting until 3 when I get to pick X up. X likes to do dorky crafty things with me, and he always initiates the �how was your day?� kisses when I pick him up, so the afternoon might be promising just yet. 2:49 p.m. - 4.11.01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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