neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my euphoria has been misplaced Those monkey graphics were funky. So in with the old and out with the new or some such shit. I've decided I don't much like this whole adulthood thing. It's highly overrated. When I was a teenager I ahd more time for everything, there weren't all of these responsibilities getting in the way of everything. Work (not that I work [yet] but everyone else does), cleaning, chores, errands, other people to consider. It's all too much. It's overwhelming at times. I had all these extremely intense feelings and they were driving me crazy running amok all around my head. So just when I thought I couldn't deal with any of it anymore they all dulled. So now I have all of these dull feelings towards things and I don't like that very much either. I can't figure out what I think about most things and the things that I know how I feel about are just not where I want them to be. It's no one's fault I don't think. There just isn't time anymore for tranquil times enjoying someone else. And maybe there won't ever be time. Maybe some people always have to have something to do, always have to be moving, always invite chaos into their lives. Maybe I'm like that, maybe others around me are like that, maybe that leaves less time for enjoying each others presence. But I feel wonky. It's like when you're reading a book and you lose your page, and it was your favorite page in the whole fucking book so you keep looking for it and every now and then you glimpse it but you were flipping through too quickly to stop and you lose it again. You know it's there and you have it occasionally but it's definitely not bookmarked. I think euphoria must be a lot like that. So I need to figure out if I've just temporarily lost the page or if someone ripped the bastard out of my book. 1:08 a.m. - 07.12.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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