neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- decisions I'm sure that I've mentioned here that I volunteer. I'm not sure that I mentioned here that I volunteer for an AIDS organization. I started volunteering there because I've had friends that died of AIDS related illnesses. I also started volunteering there because it was out of my comfort zone. I had become stagnant. I felt like doing something that took me out of my comfort zone would force me to grow as a person. And it has, immensely. The person I used to be and the person I am now are apples and oranges. Yesterday a friend that I met through that organization died. He is the seventh person that I became really good friends with through the organization that has died. I can't take it anymore. It is too hard getting to know these really great people that have so much to offer the world and here they are dying. It's very hard to go through this over and over and over again. I have volunteered there for about a year now and I think it is time for me to move on. I'm not entirely sure that what I'm doing is right. I mean I started this because it was out of my comfort zone and now I'm quitting because I'm uncomfortable. But it really is tearing me apart. It truly is. I don't know how many more funerals I can go to. And to make it even more unfair if I do quit then I want to volunteer somewhere else. Again, I'd like to do something that is slightly out of my comfort zone. Maybe something that doesn't involve people that you've grown to love dying. I can still help them out from home by handling their e-mail. So I wouldn't be quitting entirely. I'd just be cutting out the amount of human contact. I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right decision is. Maybe what is fair to me isn't exactly fair to the organization. It wouldn't be fair to them to quit, but I'm not being fair to myself if I stay. I just don't know. 2:51 p.m. - 4.26.01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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