neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- urban gangsters with vaginal foreign objects, yo I need someone to tell me that I should go to bed. Tonight I'm spending the night at home for the first time in like a week. It's strange to not have someone to curl up and sleep with. I mean I curled up with him for a while before I came home, but it'll be weird to not wake up with him too. I keep getting the feeling that I'm going to fuck this up. Or more appropriately I keep getting the feeling that he's gonna 'find me out' and the bubble will pop. Because I always feel like a great big fraud. When someone makes a comment about me I always think "whew, I have another one fooled!" Like if someone says I'm funny I think it's cool that I managed to act funny long enough to deceive them. Same goes with being called smart, or pretty, or talented at something, or pretty much anything. I just always think that I've got everyone tricked. Because I may have no brains and no sense of humor and no talent but I am obviously the queen of deception. Obviously. I'm going to write a list of my faults and make Him read them so that no surprises come up in the course of our relationship. And when he calls me silly I can refer Him to number 583 on the fault list and say in a really snarky voice "you can't say I didn't warn you!" The bitch of it is that he knows me better than anyone I've ever known because we've been friends for a long time and he probably knows my faults better than I do. Maybe I should just contract the list job out to him, he can draft me a fault list and I'll just change the font or something and return it to him as though I wrote it myself. And I bet he wouldn't even think to put plagiarism on the list. And then I can point out that he didn't know me as well as he thought he did. I think I'm getting a little carried away with this. Possibly it's sleep deprivation. Which I don't mind really. I'm one of those girls that really values a good nights sleep, but I'll forfeit good sleep for great sex (!) any day. And wow (!) great sex doesn't even begin to do it justice. I don't think I've ever written about anything even remotely sexual in this diary because I just haven't but He's got these 'mad skillz' that definitely warrant a shout out. (notice how late at night I tend to want to speak like I've turned into some young hip urban gangsta, yo) Seriously though, he's a very talented man. Ahem. Today I had two slightly disturbing google searches. The first was house of sissy. Is this something I should be aware of? Am I now to add sissy to my fault list? The second was truly disturbing to me. Ready? foriegn+object+stuck+vagina Can I just clarify that I have never had a foreign object stuck in or around my vagina. Never. Nor have I ever known anyone who has told me that they got something stuck in their girl bits. So where the fuck did that come from? When I clicked the link it didn't take me to search results that showed my page so I don't know. But I keep picturing me (but not really ME me, just a random not-really-me me) running around getting things stuck in her (her not me because it isn't really ME me, remember?) vagina and casually bringing it up in everyday conversations and random journal entries. Anyway. 1:01 a.m. - 06.28.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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