neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- leaving on a jet plane So Thursday I had to take David to the air terminal on base to fly out for the ship. We got there at 6 like he was supposed to and sat around waiting. All day I had been crying off and on because while 6 weeks may sound like a relatively short period of time to most of you it's an eternity for retards such as myself. So I had been preparing myself all day for him to leave and crying intermittently (I don't have the energy for spell check.) So we're there it's 6 o'clock and the waiting begins. His plane is supposed to leave at 8ish. Except wait. There aren't enough seats on the plane. 11 people are going to have to stay until Friday. And he's one of the ones that gets to stay. YAY!!!! So Friday rolls along. And I do it all over again. Crying, missing him before he's gone, trying to act all brave and tough. Except this time I'm somewhat distanced because I'm subconsciously (again with the spell check) trying to protect myself from the hurt. And I was bitchy. And I regret it. Immensely. So anyway, I take him to the air terminal Friday. I'm acting tough and trying not to cry and thinking about what a big boobie I am for being so emotionally retarded about a measly six weeks. I'm giving kisses and hugs and, once again, preparing for him to leave. Except there is no plane. So he stays another night. Today rolls around and I'm so tired from being on such an emotional roller coaster for the past few days. I can't take it anymore. I hate the whole waiting and not knowing, but I'm enjoying the few extra days that I get to hold him at the Navys expense. And 12:30 comes and we're at that stupid fucking air terminal AGAIN. Only this time everything goes off without any major fuck-ups and he leaves. And even after all these days of preparation I'm shocked. And I don't know what to do. So I get in his car and I leave. All by myself, crying hysterically, and I don't know what to do with myself because I'm all yucky so I screamed. As loud as I possibly could. Then I made myself drive past the little strip that I could have parked at to watch his plane take off. Which was hard. I really wanted to be all dramatic and watch his plane leave. But I figured with the crying and screaming I was probably being dramatic enough without the whole airplane taking off scene. And I made myself not go home because I knew all I'd do is cry and be miserable. So I went to blockbuster and rented some movies and I went to Wal-Mart and had film developed. Film with pictures of him. And I shopped for some work clothes. And it worked. I was able to be sad but not all weepy and overly emotional. At least until I got home. I cried then but not TOO bad and I'm kind of OK right now. I mean I miss him badly. And I'm terribly sad, but I'm not falling apart. Which is cool that I can recognize that while I love David very much and really like him being part of my life, he isn't my WHOLE life. I don't NEED David here in order to survive, I just like him here an awful lot. So the next six weeks will be tough but not impossible. And when he gets back he's back for good. Or at least until 2007. And I start my new job in a little over a week and I'm seriously loving my new corporate wardrobe. So this 6 weeks will certainly fly by. Right? Feel free to write me and tell me what a lovesick emotional wreck I am. 11:04 p.m. - 08.24.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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