neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- whidbey island My house is such a mess. Which is funny because when I worked the house was pretty damn clean. Quit work and the house goes to shit. Go figure. I'm blaming it on the kids being home during the summer. Who the hell can keep a house clean and entertain a whole gaggle of kids? David is up for orders here shortly. He has to choose by October. There is nothing here in Jacksonville. Jacksonville, where I've lived my entire life, where all my family is, where my one friend is, where the kids father is, where their whole lives have been lived, where the best bookstore in the whole world is. Where everything I've ever known is. Nothing here for David. No jobs. The only jobs that are there for him are across the fucking continent. California and Whidbey Island. He's pushing for Whidbey Island, getting me to go to various websites about Whidbey Island and going on and on about how beautiful it is. But I'm fucking terrified. Going with him would mean that he's all I have. There'd be no friends or family no familiarity. Just him. And I love him, I really do. When I imagine my future he is always there. But we are talking about moving my kids away from their family and everything they know, taking away their support system as well as mine. I can't think about all of this without just crying. Which probably has something to do with the raging PMS going on over here but still. It's dificult. When it comes right down to it I'm going. Wherever he has to go I'll go. Because I love him. Because he loves me, he loves the kids like they were his. And I have faith in him and us. But it still scares me half to death. Also, Billy could make this difficult. I have to have a notarized statement from him giving me permission to move to another state. If he won't do that then I have to go to court. I'm not sure how willingly a judge would sign over permission for a parent to move the children 3,000 miles away from the the other parent. It's all so stressful. 1:23 p.m. - 07.23.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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