neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm sick of this You know how pregnancy is supposed to be a time of great joy and expectations? Bullshit. I'm so fucking sick of being pregnant. Today I cried. All day. Who the hell knows what started it. Maybe it was a sappy Publix commercial, maybe it was the Lifetime Movie Network, and maybe it was pure terror brought on by that brawny commercial where the womans arm turns incredibly masculine and pulls her around the room, cleaning everything. It doesn't matter what brought it on though, point is I cried all day. And I'm sick of not being able to breathe deeply, I'm sick of being tired, I'm sick of feeling as though there is an alien in my body. I just want to be normal again. I'm over the whole pregnancy thing. And maybe it's the hormones but I keep panicking. Like I'll sit here being relatively satisfied that once I have the baby my body will be normal again. Then all of a sudden I'll have a panic attack. What if I stay this way forever? What if the baby leaves my body but the symptoms stay? Then there's anxiety about the actual baby. I know I've taken care of babies before and that they have turned out pretty ok. But what if my luck runs out and I break this baby? I don't want to break the baby. I seriously need to sleep through this or something. 6:03 p.m. - 02.19.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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