neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I need a year I can't decide if I'm over or underwhelmed. There's so much for me to do. And nothing is really moving as fast as I'd like it to. And in a freakish turn of events I have realized that I am completely in love. Unfortunately it isn't with my husband. I'm so disgustingly in love that, well, that I disgust myself. I've made a promise to myself though. I will not be in another relationship until Billy and I have lived apart for at least 6 months. I think that's only fair to the kids. They need time to adjust, I need time to adjust. But I wish I could tell you how great this guy is. I wish I could tell you that he remembers what kind of shampoo that I used to use and what kind of lotion I used to wear. I wish I could tell you that he can describe exactly how I smelled and what I wore on certain occasions. I wish that I could tell you that I've loved him for years but never let myself entertain the idea of him as more than friend. I wish I could tell you that all he has to do is smile and my day instantly gets better. I wish I could tell you that he loves my kids and they love him. They've known him for more than half their lives. That watching him makes my chest get all big and I feel like this can't possibly be happening. And I wish I could tell you that when he tells me he loves me my world stops for a moment and I want to cry. And as much as all that means to me I can't let any of it matter right now because I have too many issues to sort through first. I need a year. A year from now. 11:06 a.m. - 05.14.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||