neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary
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the reason I hate doctors
I guess it's been a while.
I can't think of anything to write about really. I know you guys are sick to death of hearing about the walking ball of bliss that is David. So I'm going to try to curtail my david dialogue for a bit. (monologue would have been more appropriate but I'm all about alliteration)
So.
I finally went to the doctor about my eye but only because I had a list of other things wrong or necesary too. I always do that. I hate going to the doctor so I wait until I am completely falling the fuck apart to go. So I had to get a new migraine medication because the old one didn't work anymore, my eye has that funky growth, I needed a referral for the my gynecologist for the colposcopy, and my neck is doing some funky ass shit that's pissing me off.
I woke up one morning about a week and a half ago and the right side of my neck was killing me. Kind of like a kink but not really. Just general pain everytime I moved my neck at all. A couple of days later it hurt just to support the weight of my head much less to move it. Two days later I woke up and the left side hurt too.
So being my mothers child I immediately conjured up intricate diseases that paralyze you slowly starting with the neck. So I called the doctor and made the appointment. I always expect to go in and have them give me some miracle drug that'll make it all better RIGHT NOW. But they never do so I don't know why I always expect that. Anyway, she suggested ibuprofen for my neck and alteranting hot and cold compresses. Oh and lots of hot showers. Well duh, I could have figured that shit out now where are the drugs that'll make it all better?
Anyway, my eye. I explained to her that I am extremely squeamish about eye related things. So she acted like she was going to be gentle with me. And she was. Until it came time to actually look AT the strange growth thing. Wait, I think I need to show you guys a picture.
Sorry it's so big but otherwise you wouldn't be able to see the thingy on my eyelid. Actually you can't really see it that well anyway, huh?
Anyway, she starts doing the follow the light thing and that's not so bad but then she grabs one of those giant Q-Tips and starts lightly jabbing at my eye with it. So I'm quietly freaking the fuck out while she sword fights with my eyelashes and I'm kind of patting myself on the back for not freaking out loudly when she pushes the swab against my eyelid, grabs my eyelashes and flips my fucking eyelid inside out against the q-tip and LEAVES IT THERE. For at least 45 seconds which is a long ass time for your eyeball to be all naked and exposed like that. I started to panic thinking that my eyeball was going to roll out of the socket and then she got all close up on it and I gagged. So what does she do? She lets go of the q-tip and jumps back because I'm sure she thinks I'm going to puke on her and I'd jump back too. But when she jumps back she lets go of the swab and leaves my eyelid all flipped up like that. It was completely fucking nasty.
I'm sure she didn't help matters any by talking to herself while she was all up in my eye. She kept saying thigns like "WHOA" and "hmmmm" and "wow". Which aren't things one wants to hear reguarding pieces of their body. She ended the monologue by saying "I've just never seen anything like this, I'm going to refer you to an opthamologist. (I'm boycotting spell check so forgive any bad spelling)
AND she couldn't give me a referal to the gynecologist without proof that I really DID have two positive paps and a funky scrapy thing done and therefore really DO need the colposcopy. Because we all know how those wiley women are, requesting microscopic exams of their genitalia just for fun.
So the whole trip was a complete waste.
And that's about all that's been happening.
11:00 a.m. - 07.25.02
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