neuroticgirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- complacency killed the billy I think it's over for me and Billy. Over the past three years he's become this person that I don't know. That I don't want to know. The timing is pretty unfortunate but I don't think I can stand this anymore. He doesn't hit me and we don't fight all the time, it's nothing like that. He just doesn't care anymore. Not about me, not about the kids. I've tried to talk to him, it doesn't work. He's become completely complacent with me and downright nasty to the kids. Ian has even asked me why daddy doesn't love him anymore. That's too far. I'll put up with a lot of minor injustices against myself but not against my children. Their homelife has become volatile. I pick them up from school and they're great. Doing their chores and minding their manners. No bitching and moaning and groaning. The minute Billy walks in the door they become demon spawn. Then all hell breaks loose. Billy's yelling and screaming with veins popping out all over the place and Ian and Caleb are fighting and whining and being terrible. I just can't deal with this anymore. I don't doubt that he loves me and I know he loves the kids but that isn't enough. He has to SHOW us that he gives a fuck. The final straw was last night. I had been at a friends house and got home around 10. So around 11 my friend calls and asks me to call him back. While scrolling through the numbers on my caller ID to find his number I see that my dad has called from his house. My dad never calls from his house. He always calls me from work. So I ask billy what my dad wanted when he called. Billy says he'll tell me later when I'm off the phone and he's got this look on his face that tells me it's bad news. I insist he tell me now but he refuses. So I play 20 fucking questions. Is my dad ok? yes Is joyce (my dads girlfriend) ok? yes Am I ok? yes Is my grandma ok? no. She's been put in the hospital, she fell and probably has a broken back, she's severely anemic, and her hemoglobin which should be around 13 is at 5. I had been home for an hour. An hour. And he never told me. Now I don't particularly like my grandmother, our opinions differ on a lot of things, but I do love her. I mean she is my grandmother. I did spend a good portion of my childhood at her home. I did live with her that year in the fourth grade that none of my parents wanted me and she graciously let me live in her home. I just don't get it. That's the kind of thing that I would expect you to call my cell phone and tell me about. I want to strangle the fucking prick. 12:03 p.m. - 05.08.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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